Fear is a response of a threat.............
Therefore fear is not an emotion, rather a physiological response in order to protect us as a species.
This is why a sociopath can experience fear and no other emotion.
Anger is a secondary response to an unresolved primary response.
Anger can be a response to an unresolved fear.
Once again a sociopath can experience anger.
This realisation and understanding has led to a settling and peace, whilst trying to cognitively understand the responses of two people close to me.
Friday 4 October 2019
Monday 23 September 2019
23.09.19
It occurs to me as I get older and somewhat wiser in this BEAUTIFUL country we live in that
- There will always be that person who will go out of their way to fail you, and those reasons are not yours. They belong to them........let them own them.
- There will always be that person who will go out of their way to help you. Thank and appreciate them.
- There will always be that person who will go out of their way to pretend you are invisible, thank them too. You do not need people like that in your camp.
- There will always be that person who will go out of their way to betray you. Thank them for letting you see who and what they are. Now you know what choices you have to make.
Every day you have the choice to be one of these people - choose well and consciously.
Sunday 15 September 2019
15.09.19
I am an artist amongst other things. It occurred to me today the ease of using your skin as a canvas. And I have done that since 2009, self harm. Another issue not discussed. Today I, made a pact with my left arm. Going forward.....we will use canvas.
To those who hurt themselves. There is another option if you want.
Please ask me.
To those who hurt themselves. There is another option if you want.
Please ask me.
Thursday 12 September 2019
12.09.19
Ooops so much for writing on a daily basis.........
Today I visited my child in prison.
That's it.................I have nothing else to share.
Today I visited my child in prison.
That's it.................I have nothing else to share.
Monday 9 September 2019
09.09.19
Today my parents have been married for 58 years. A testament to a commitment and life together. It was bitter sweet. Never in all my imagining could I have expected not to be working towards that with my husband.
But life throws you curve balls and it is what you do with those that matter.
Sooooooooo
After a year and a half of having my life turned upside down, and nearly a year to the termination of my marriage what have I done with the curve balls..............
But life throws you curve balls and it is what you do with those that matter.
Sooooooooo
After a year and a half of having my life turned upside down, and nearly a year to the termination of my marriage what have I done with the curve balls..............
- Felt very sorry for myself
- Felt more sorry for myself
- Gotten very angry
- Cried a lot and then some more
- Tried to be mature
- Realised that was not working
- Cried some more
- Raged at my ex- husband
- Cried
- Self destructed
- Rationalised
- Realised logic did not work
- Raged
- Self destructed some more
- Collected myself and reverted to being mature
- Realised I sucked as an adult
THEN I STOPPED
............well actually I was encouraged
I began to paint, I had a beautiful, wise and very tolerant friend who was not going to let me give up. So we began to paint on a group together.
This is part of the process that is saving my life.......and hopefully giving hope to the people that have been irrevocably damaged in this process.
P.S. I love the people who have never given up on me and you all know who you are...........thank you.
Saturday 7 September 2019
07.09.19
Tiredness comes in all shapes and forms............
Some from a physical nature........this is comfortable and good tired.
Some from an emotional nature ............this is uncomfortable and draining tired.
Some from a mental nature ...................this is uncomfortable but manageable tired.
Then you get emotional, mental tired which spills over into physical tired ................this is exhausting.
This is when the reservoirs are empty as there is little positive flowing in to replenish the endless drain.
This tired makes you want to head up to the deepest darkest cave and stay there for a very long time.
I am looking for that cave.
Some from a physical nature........this is comfortable and good tired.
Some from an emotional nature ............this is uncomfortable and draining tired.
Some from a mental nature ...................this is uncomfortable but manageable tired.
Then you get emotional, mental tired which spills over into physical tired ................this is exhausting.
This is when the reservoirs are empty as there is little positive flowing in to replenish the endless drain.
This tired makes you want to head up to the deepest darkest cave and stay there for a very long time.
I am looking for that cave.
Friday 6 September 2019
06.09.19
We give little concern to the power people have over the events that affect or effect our lives, until it impacts. The last few weeks have shown that our country is not gripped by inefficiency, although that has an enormous impact. Our country is gripped by RACISM....................
There I said it, as a white person who is by default racist..........
As we stand now, two woman have the power to irrevocably change lives by their INACTION and what I consider to be deliberate OBSTRUCTION.
The first was the FEMALE Doctor from Edendale Hospital who discharged a mentally, psychotic and dangerous man back into society. She acknowledged he was dangerous but was not prepared to do anything about it.
The second a FEMALE Public Prosecutor from the Magistrate's Court who refuses to sign a form to have him transferred to a Mental Institution for assessment and treatment.
Our country is gripped with gender based violence and in August .......Woman's Month. Both these woman have consciously chosen to ignore the Mental Health Act and the Criminal Procedure Act.
I would like to know what they will have to say to the loved ones of the victim of violence which IS going to be perpetrated against a vulnerable person.
There I said it, as a white person who is by default racist..........
As we stand now, two woman have the power to irrevocably change lives by their INACTION and what I consider to be deliberate OBSTRUCTION.
The first was the FEMALE Doctor from Edendale Hospital who discharged a mentally, psychotic and dangerous man back into society. She acknowledged he was dangerous but was not prepared to do anything about it.
The second a FEMALE Public Prosecutor from the Magistrate's Court who refuses to sign a form to have him transferred to a Mental Institution for assessment and treatment.
Our country is gripped with gender based violence and in August .......Woman's Month. Both these woman have consciously chosen to ignore the Mental Health Act and the Criminal Procedure Act.
I would like to know what they will have to say to the loved ones of the victim of violence which IS going to be perpetrated against a vulnerable person.
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