"The Death of Guilt"

I often lie awake in the early hours of the morning,  woken by disturbing vivid dreams.  My mind races and I struggle to get back to sleep.  In order to assist this I meditate hoping that I can quieten the mind enough to fall asleep.  Sometimes it works,  other times not so well.

One morning I was aware of this enormous red mass looming up from the depths,  red is not a colour I use, wear or have in my home.  This was guilt, and it was immense ,  all-encompassing and terrifying.  Horrified I watched it take form as large as an ocean liner,  filled with regret and mind blowing guilt of all the damage I had done to one person.  The lists of my failures were crammed into this vessel,  threatening to ooze out of the port holes and pollute the ocean. Stunned with this enormity of harm caused to another, a person who I loved,  I abandoned any effort to sleep.

Unpacking this in therapy I was encouraged to work with this,  day by day over the weeks, the ocean liner decreased and became a little green dingy bobbing away.  Never to rest on a good thing,  my therapist said, "Draw it!!!"

And I did!

This is a total departure from my normal work,  and had a mind of it's own.  

The result an abstracty (this is now a word) feel,  but harshly blunt in the story to be told.

iNkwasi - Protector of the Wilderness

Last week,  I took my first step in walking the talk of my journey as an illustrator and print maker.  The KZN SA gallery is holding their annual member's exhibition.  As I was working through the submission form I reached the part where you state the Artist's Statement regarding the work.........and I was stumped.

I was working on this piece when I discovered that my 26 year marriage was a farce.  I stopped drawing.

The African Fish Eagle is incompletely complete!

Staring at the blank paper searching for the words , I realised how emotive the drawing is.  The connection to my marriage.  However importantly, symbolically how the fish eagle is part of my journey through the death of one relationship and the beginning of my relationship with Me. 

A pair of fish eagles regularly visit the Estate.  I will hear their evocative call or see them effortlessly gliding above me.  A constant reminder to keep looking up and to view life situations with the eagle's all encompassing sight.

As we take the time to focus on the detail,  nature reminds us of our connection to the cosmos.

Protector of the Wilderness

reminder of your 

power.