"The Death of Guilt"

I often lie awake in the early hours of the morning,  woken by disturbing vivid dreams.  My mind races and I struggle to get back to sleep.  In order to assist this I meditate hoping that I can quieten the mind enough to fall asleep.  Sometimes it works,  other times not so well.

One morning I was aware of this enormous red mass looming up from the depths,  red is not a colour I use, wear or have in my home.  This was guilt, and it was immense ,  all-encompassing and terrifying.  Horrified I watched it take form as large as an ocean liner,  filled with regret and mind blowing guilt of all the damage I had done to one person.  The lists of my failures were crammed into this vessel,  threatening to ooze out of the port holes and pollute the ocean. Stunned with this enormity of harm caused to another, a person who I loved,  I abandoned any effort to sleep.

Unpacking this in therapy I was encouraged to work with this,  day by day over the weeks, the ocean liner decreased and became a little green dingy bobbing away.  Never to rest on a good thing,  my therapist said, "Draw it!!!"

And I did!

This is a total departure from my normal work,  and had a mind of it's own.  

The result an abstracty (this is now a word) feel,  but harshly blunt in the story to be told.