Sunday 6 January 2019

The Elephant in the Room

Amongst all the angst and disruption that the termination of a relationship brings is one we often choose to ignore,  or at best speak of in hushed tones.  The emotional and mental fall out.  Mental health issues are starting to be discussed on public forums,  and it is about time.  However the reality is many people feel so ashamed, they do not allow others to glimpse into their personal turmoil.

In 2009 I struggled with my own mental health issues,  diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder......it took me two years to fight to get my health back with the assistance of a wise and wonderful psychologist.  The physical and psychological scars still remained compounded with the guilt of how it affected my family.

During the process of the divorce, I found my fight was being undermined by chronic, debilitating anxiety and fear. Grocery shopping became an ordeal.  I would find myself paralysed in the middle of the canned food aisle,  trying to control the need to flee.  I was so reluctant to ask for help as I felt it would reinforce the belief that I was "crazy",  but the rational fortunately prevailed and I reached out to my psychologist.  I recognised the symptoms and knew I could not do this on my own.  Being rational about this did not stop the anger and feeling that I had utterly failed.  I fought going back onto medication,  and raged about the fact I had worked so hard at getting well and was now back where I started.  My ego was having a full blown Prima Donna moment.

HOWEVER


It was the best thing I could ever have done.  I started to unpack, categorise and repack..........and because of who I am, unpack it all again.  It allowed the process of grieving to begin.  It allowed me to merge previous reality with present reality.  To accept that it was okay to feel the way I did,  and I was going to be absolutely fine.

This is where you start to heal.  The scars are not going away,  but they hopefully will make me wiser, compassionate and understanding.

"A healer does not heal you.  A healer is someone who holds space for you while you awaken your inner healer, so you may heal yourself"

Maryam Hasnaa

I have been so blessed not only with my psychologist ,who is fantastic,  but all the people in my life who did not judge me,  did not question me, did not shun me and held the space for me while I found my feet.  People who I have met through this process who have just been there,  been kind, been real.


Thank you!!

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